The Bears

Thank God for Jay Cutler Day....

Of course Wolkie was talking trash all day to me. he owes me twenty dollars.

OH and the Jets are 2-0????? HMMMMMMMM VERY INTERESTING


Milton Bradley has been suspended for the rest of his life hopefully. That guy is worse than the bubonic plague in 1347. You can look up that date if you do not believe me.

And for a new diversion....AWESOME VIDEO


http://www.youtube.com/v/iOmvdeNa67E&hl=en&fs=1&">

Its Been Too Damn Long

Ive decided to start my blog up again. Its just been too fucking long since Ive posted anything of note. March 16th??? Damn man....What happened to me?

So to start, a quick recap of some great Australia happenings. I went to New Zealand, which is the most beautiful country in the world. My father and I decided to explore the island while using Auckland as a base of operations. We played golf, saw the Bay of Islands and even saw some cool geysers. I gotta find the pictures I took.

Then my father went home and I took a nice trip to FIJI. Fiji is a pretty island with a proud people. But it is not a wealthy place. We stayed a hostel and then explored the many of 333 islands that are around the main island. Just unreal. I was able to waterski and snorkel, and just lay out all day long.

Anyways, another highlight was my trip to the wonderful Cairns. This is where the Great Barrier Reef is located, and it was just awesome. They had a casino up there as well, and me and Trevor took it to ourselves to gamble as much as possible. I ended up a little ahead, and Trevor.....a little behind. We met up with one of my main guys from home, Dan Fey. We had an absolutely fabulous time at this bar called the Woolshed. They had a wet t-shirt contest the night we went, and the girls were getting wild. As you can imagine, so were we.

We stayed at Gilligan's, which is absolutely absurd as well.

The reef was just awesome.....I scuba dove for the first time, and you can see literally everything. Like you put your head intot he water, and your eyes are just bombared by fish, and turtles and octopus. We went during the offseason, so we didnt see everythign we wanted to, but still just an absolutely incredible time.

The last thing that happened in Australia is that the car broke down...Of course Eli flipped out because he was driving it when the black smoke erupted from the car. So up until that point, I could have bequeathed it to anyone I wanted to.

In LEW of the TERRIBLE SEASON OPENER THAT THE BEARS dished out. Cutler, with the 4 INTS, Urlacher out for the year. Its looking bleak in Chicago. i am going to make TEN predictions for the NFL SEASON:

1. The Chicago Bears will go 7-9, Jay Cutler having a very pedestrian year, and Matt Forte not breaking 1000 yards.

2. The GREEN BAY Packers will be second in the NFC North with a record fo 10-6, MAKING the playoffs, but because their offensive line is terrible, the Vikings will be the division leaders at 12-4.

3. In the NFC West, the best team will be the Seahawks because Kurt Warner's arm finally fell off his shoulder.

4. Kyle Orton is better than Jay Cutler at year's end, and propeling the Denver Broncos to a wildcard birth, while simultaneously destroying the Oakland Raiders yet again.

5. Michael Vick will be starting by Week 5, and Donovan McNabb will retire by year's end., but the Eagles STILL win the division

6. Jake Delhomme is so bad, that the Carolina Panthers fold as a franchise, thus the Falcons by default win the divison.

7. The Pittsburgh Steelers continue to ANNOY the LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME because I know too many Steelers fans, yet they will win the division yet again.

8. MY favorite AFC team, the New York Jets, will change their name to the Broadway Jets at Season's end, because they area bunch of clowns in that organization....take for example, David Clowney....It doesn't get any clownier than David Clowney. They will also go 9-7 and miss the playoffs, but I still will win my 20 dollar bet.

9. MY PLAYOFF TEAMS ARE: NFC.....Vikings, Seahawks, Eagles, Falcons... Wildcards are Packers and Giants AFC.....Steelers, Colts, Patriots, Chargers, Wildcards are Broncos and Ravens

10. The Superbowl champion of this year will be.................The Minnesota Vikings.... Why? Cuase I cant stand any other team in the playoffs currently.

PEACE OUT TILL NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!

Blue Mountains

YOOO,

This post is dedicated to my man Jay Cutler, for destroying legitamacy in the football world. Your a straight up crybaby who needs his dick sucked. Even Mike Shanahan wasn't this gay.

So this past weekend we hit up the blue mountains. These mountains aren't that big, they are a little bigger than hills in NJ, and smaller than mountains in the rockies. I have some good pics on my satchel camera. But Im a little lazy to take them off. SOME GREAT VIEWS!!!! So Il steal some from other people that I know. After walking a grueling 15 kilometers, we reached this really cool set of waterfalls, and Pat, Eli and Nick walked up the entire thing. We even drank the water, and it was some of the best water Ive ever had.

Australia is just great,

It was good to see Scwartz yesterday too at Coogee beach.

Heres the pics:

Just a Thought...

This post is dedicated to Will Dorsch for being the man, and wearing backpacks and suits together. I mean I think hes got something going on here. Maybe he should have a briefcase too? Or maybe even a trench coat? Damn that would be sexy.

But anyways,

In the wake of all the work I have to do, I was thinking today about an awkward situation. So what if a married high profile actor is in a nude scene with someone. For instance, if Brad Pitt was nude with Kate Blanchett or something. And they are getting intimate. What if our man Bradley pops a boner? How awkward is this for Blanchett? And would Angelina Jolie find out? Would she be like, "HONEY!! I HEARD YOU GOT HARD IN THE MOVIE SHOOT TODAY!!! DO YOU NOT LOVE ME?????" I think this was a pretty interesting scenario.

In another note, as much as I love Jeremy Crane, Andy Feldman, Nick Conti, Jim Kraus, Matt Boland....etc, The Buffalo Bums will fail with TO and only go 8-8, thus missing the playoffs. Im sorry, your division is just too tough. But it was a worth a try, especially for a high profile choke artist, like the Bills.

WEISS, OUT!

Epic Weekend

This post is dedicated to Jamie Rotter for saving my life on Saturday, or I would have been sleeping in the gutter somewhere in Bondi Junction. I prolly would have been mugged or something cool.

Well, this weekend started off by me going to an interview for my new internship with Getup! Getup! is a nonprofit that works with several issues including the economy and the environment. So Im wearing a button down and slacks. I want to go to the beach afterwards, so I go meet the boys that are in town including, Kimball, Holway, Mirsky, Ziggy and Zander. And I look like the biggest idiot wearing work clothes to the beach.

Im about to walk on the beach, and I go, "I look like the biggest clown," And some Australian dude looks at me and goes "Yes, you are." Typical Zweiss moment.

That night was another night at IVEY, which was a good time, but nothing compared to Saturday.

SO Saturday roles along, and I head downtown with Kimball to go to Bondi Junction to start drinking. It is Mardi Gras, which is a gay parade in town. SO you can imagine the kind of shit that is about to happen. Im completely fucked up, and i go downtown wearing angel wings, kangaroo ears and sunglasses. After awhile at the parade, I decide to wander 2o blocks to my friends place (Becca James'). And I procede to cut my toenails at her place for no real reason at all. So thats pretty nuts. And of course the car is parked back where I came from, so I take a cab there. But to make matters absolutely worse, my car is locked in a parking garage (which happened to my last semester in madison, when I was trying to go to Indiana.) I can't get into the apartment where all the bros are, so Im so pissed that I cant get in. And finally I call ZIGGYS phone, and Jamie Rotter answers. And is like, come up and crash here. So if it wasnt for that I would have been sleeping ont he curb for the night.

Thanks to Holway for this amazing clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOmvdeNa67E&playnext_from=PL&feature=PlayList&p=3C3231F845BCD47F&playnext=1&index=1

And also, a Snuggie Parody:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y



ARIGHT BROS WEISS OUT.

Gettin' Em for the Eh-Lo

This post is dedicated to my boy Shawty Lo for having the worst lyrics of any rapper in history but still makes me smile when he talks about selling kilos of cocaine and getting ho's to suck his dick.

He has major beef with TI (well obviously, TI is a fucking idiot) because TI isnt really from Bankhead, but as David Weiss points out, IT IS, WHAT IT IS

So due to lack of feedback fro my pathetic blog, I decided to pick the title myself. I like it, so I dont care if you don't.

The Nissan Bluebird has been straight up money. having the car is like a having a new stripper, you know: one who hasnt been fucked around too much, so your happy to oblige. We hit the beach in the beat up box of crap again, and me and the boys learned how to surf. On the way, we were blasting Africa by Toto and I thought I was in a time machine, only with broken seats, a shitty stereo system and no back doorhandle. You certainly get what you pay for. Interestingly though, if you get a large foam board, it is SOOOO MUCH easier. I was able to get up and ride waves a few times.

I also burned like a fucking lobster, but thats what happens when a ginger hits the sun. This weekend, we hit up a SICK bar called IVEY. Il post some pics off of facebook to get in da groove of this absolutely nutty place. I also went to the casino, and won 40 dollars, so I am not totally unhpapy. This was all for Trevor Malet's 21st birthday celebration, which was a total shit show seeing we got kicked out of virtually every damn bar we went to.

Well im fucking tired, heres some pics before I hit bed:

1983 Nissan Bluebird

This post is dedicated to my new car (well mine, Trevors, Eli's and Oliver's car), the 1983 Nissan Bluebird, with 202,000 kilometers on it. The door handle was ripped off of it today by the dude at the dealership, and the 1000 Australian dollar car will definately get us to the grocery store and back. But the best part I guess, is that when I told the dude up front if he had a map, and his reply was, "what else do you want??" Eli, replied, "a blow job". Did I mention its yellow?

Australia is without a doubt nuts. Ive been drunk for literally a week straight, and I bought a new car today. Classes start tomorrow, so thats a good thing since I wont go to them or Il go to them and fall asleep...(Crane would be proud). But this past weekend, we went surfing in Narrabeen. Dude, surfing is DAMN near impossible. You gotta be a fucking psycho to be good at that shit. Our instructors were retarded, and I felt it was man v.s. wild. Maybe next time il go surfing in a shark costume to scare away some other cocksuckers Ive been chillin with. But hey, tis in a day's work.

Wish me luck for class, but first, a picture of my new ride, appropriately named, "the batmobile". THis is the first thing ive actually owned. SO I can bequeath it to someone when I die. "in my will, I name the new benefactor of this car, Lani Weiss." Im not telling her about this car, so if she finds out, Il either be disowned or a permanent resident of Australia.

I pity this man, but itl be me in a lil while. Il get a real picture with me cruisin with a black and mild in it real shortly.

Lastly, THANK GOD the Bulls traded away Nocioni, that fucking big stiff is ugly, douchy, Croatian, and more importantly ate up more salary cap than Allan Houston. Nuff Said.

Im off frolicking,

Peace

Sydney in friggin 3.5 hours

This post is dedicated to my good friend Dean Bumbaca, for letting me stay in philly awhile back, and introduce me to the sandwich called the SCHMITTER. Now I can go to hell quicker than i would have. (Il post a picture of a schmitter right now!) Fucking heart attack waiting to happen right there...But Philly is a NICE time.









Now that Ive pretty much done jack shit this break excpet for masterbate, pick my nose, and hate on matt Groth in my sleep, its time for me to head to Australia on 24 hours of air and make shit happen. Well Il do a top 5, real quick of Things I did this break. if you dont agree with me, suck a dick, real, LONG, and hard..preferably circumsized...and bigger than Darren Brown's.







Top 5 things I did this break:



1. Saw Metallica



-me and my main man, Dave Leone, went to go see them a couple of Sunday's ago. BOY, lemme tell you, they put on a rockin show. Played mostly new album stuff, but finished with Seek and Destroy, damn that shit was nice.



2. Went to Boston



-Boston is Ill, excpet for the fucking roads which suck more dick than a mexican porn star after taking a hit of ex, then a speed (damn, i gotta see this). Me and my other main man, Nick Reale took boston by force, hitting bars, knocking down street signs, pissed on Fenway (well I wish), and of course went to this awesome sneak shop called Bodega. Oh man...the bodega. Bodega is the illest shit since Remmington Steel in the mid 1980's with Pierce Brosnan...Walking into that store almost gave me a fucking hard on. first, its like a small noodle shop, with no signs marking the place. And then BAM, this coca-cola machine slides open to reveal the coolest store ive ever seen. I bought a sick bulls hat..So thanks Bodega, you rock my world.





3. Went to Lehigh


-Strange place this one is. Its on a fucking mountain, but it was a grand time. Alot of booze, MAJOR fratting, and definitly a lot of pretty girls. So thanks to the crew who I went with, Liam, Rubes, Russo, Eddie, and Pete. It was a solid time overall, but I like Wisconsin better. At least its not on a hilltop where I feel like i could look like Paris Hilton after a good 5 minute walk. The quote of the weekend: "Lehigh, where college kids go to die"-myself





4. Went to Illadelphia


-Thanks to Dean, Rachel Miller, and Jillian, Illadelph was quite an experience to behold. Bumbaca kept saying the word 'John" for everything. I didnt understand what it meant, and of course I asked the proverbial question if Dean made up his nicknames, and the answer was of course a yes...but we knew that shit already, fucking crazy sauce....The other sweet part was of course the sandwich, called the Schmitter, which if eaten many times I would loook a cross between Geoff Gerschke and a Turd. Kudos to the bar that has the balls to call themselves Tattooed Mom





5. Atlantic City- You know shits good, when you can come with 140 and leave with 400, the first time ever to a casino. Thanks Lady Luck, I stole your fucking cash.





DAMN SON, Its late, Im leaving in two hours, Il prolly do top 5 best comedians of all time next time or something sweet...still figuring it out.






Thats it for now, PEACE!

Welcome, Wilkomen, First Damn Post

So to get things started, a happy new year to everyone out there, I am sure people were getting sloppy at wherever you were. My first post is dedicated to Ryan Dwyer, Congratulations on turning 43 years old next month, you will soon be able to have your AARP card. At least you got something to look forward to Phantastic.

Today, I went to the Nets game with my friend Carrie and it was chill, but damn has basketball really gone down hill or what?? The Sacramento Kings, who by the way have become that team that have really started to love becuase NO ONE likes the Kings. How cna you NOT like a team that used to not only have Vlade "Im the stiffest human being ever" Divac and Mitch "NBA Jam Powerhouse" Ritchmond on it. I mean seriously.

Well of course the Nets, with Yi "I Suck Alot" Jianlian, and Vince "What's the Score again?" Carter took control over the Kings. I bet you cant even name two players who play for that team. Which is why I'm going out the first chance I get and buying a sacrmento kings jersey, like oldschool 1980's with Mitch Richmond on it, to show my appreciation. THe jersey will look like this:

Personally, I think this is a sick SICK jersey. If you do not agree...well fuck you. It is 300 dollars, but I still love it. Currently, the Kings have this kid named Kevin Martin. He netted a whopping 36 points on the nets, and he was literally Lighting the floor up the way I used to back in the mid 1990's. My jumper was as sliky smooth as a baby's bottom, or close. But now Im a bonafide scrub. Speaking of Bonafide scrubs, I gotta post some Steven A. Smith Youtube Videos. Well Il post the link. The First one, is Steven A. Smith RIPPING Apart Kwame Brown and the other is him in a radio show rippin on some Jose Reyes lover. Well of course Jose Reyes, is a fucking clown, who led the worthless Mets, who as Jim Mora approprately says, "Playoffs? Playoffs? How can you talk about playoffs, we can't fucking win a game!!" No Playoffs this year donkey pissers.

This is Smith ripping apart Kwame Brown in the Pau Gasol trade:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8j9nsqv9m6M

This is Smith Destroying this poor fan....boo yah bitch!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYftKfvcT-U

Just pure craziness..The guy is nuts. If I was that brave to talk that kind of trash, Id be god. But Im not, and Im writing a damn blog where I can just make fun of people.

But im fucking tired, and Im going to pass out, but the last thing I gotta do is square away what Im gunna name my blog. So I got four options. If you like anyone of them, lemme know. Il choose that as my title.

So here goes:

1.Stacking Cheese, and Selling Ki's: The impeccable life re-telling of Zach Weiss

2.Well...Just Because......Im Out Here Grindin'

3.Australia Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet

4.Im That Jew With that Kangaroo: Life in Australia.

SO lemme know, if you gotta a different idea, tell me.

LATER!