Monday, 21 September 2009

The Bears

Thank God for Jay Cutler Day....

Of course Wolkie was talking trash all day to me. he owes me twenty dollars.

OH and the Jets are 2-0????? HMMMMMMMM VERY INTERESTING

Milton Bradley has been suspended for the rest of his life hopefully. That guy is worse than the bubonic plague in 1347. You can look up that date if you do not believe me.

And for a new diversion....AWESOME VIDEO">

Monday, 14 September 2009

Its Been Too Damn Long

Ive decided to start my blog up again. Its just been too fucking long since Ive posted anything of note. March 16th??? Damn man....What happened to me?

So to start, a quick recap of some great Australia happenings. I went to New Zealand, which is the most beautiful country in the world. My father and I decided to explore the island while using Auckland as a base of operations. We played golf, saw the Bay of Islands and even saw some cool geysers. I gotta find the pictures I took.

Then my father went home and I took a nice trip to FIJI. Fiji is a pretty island with a proud people. But it is not a wealthy place. We stayed a hostel and then explored the many of 333 islands that are around the main island. Just unreal. I was able to waterski and snorkel, and just lay out all day long.

Anyways, another highlight was my trip to the wonderful Cairns. This is where the Great Barrier Reef is located, and it was just awesome. They had a casino up there as well, and me and Trevor took it to ourselves to gamble as much as possible. I ended up a little ahead, and Trevor.....a little behind. We met up with one of my main guys from home, Dan Fey. We had an absolutely fabulous time at this bar called the Woolshed. They had a wet t-shirt contest the night we went, and the girls were getting wild. As you can imagine, so were we.

We stayed at Gilligan's, which is absolutely absurd as well.

The reef was just awesome.....I scuba dove for the first time, and you can see literally everything. Like you put your head intot he water, and your eyes are just bombared by fish, and turtles and octopus. We went during the offseason, so we didnt see everythign we wanted to, but still just an absolutely incredible time.

The last thing that happened in Australia is that the car broke down...Of course Eli flipped out because he was driving it when the black smoke erupted from the car. So up until that point, I could have bequeathed it to anyone I wanted to.
In LEW of the TERRIBLE SEASON OPENER THAT THE BEARS dished out. Cutler, with the 4 INTS, Urlacher out for the year. Its looking bleak in Chicago. i am going to make TEN predictions for the NFL SEASON:
1. The Chicago Bears will go 7-9, Jay Cutler having a very pedestrian year, and Matt Forte not breaking 1000 yards.
2. The GREEN BAY Packers will be second in the NFC North with a record fo 10-6, MAKING the playoffs, but because their offensive line is terrible, the Vikings will be the division leaders at 12-4.
3. In the NFC West, the best team will be the Seahawks because Kurt Warner's arm finally fell off his shoulder.
4. Kyle Orton is better than Jay Cutler at year's end, and propeling the Denver Broncos to a wildcard birth, while simultaneously destroying the Oakland Raiders yet again.
5. Michael Vick will be starting by Week 5, and Donovan McNabb will retire by year's end., but the Eagles STILL win the division
6. Jake Delhomme is so bad, that the Carolina Panthers fold as a franchise, thus the Falcons by default win the divison.
7. The Pittsburgh Steelers continue to ANNOY the LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME because I know too many Steelers fans, yet they will win the division yet again.
8. MY favorite AFC team, the New York Jets, will change their name to the Broadway Jets at Season's end, because they area bunch of clowns in that organization....take for example, David Clowney....It doesn't get any clownier than David Clowney. They will also go 9-7 and miss the playoffs, but I still will win my 20 dollar bet.
9. MY PLAYOFF TEAMS ARE: NFC.....Vikings, Seahawks, Eagles, Falcons... Wildcards are Packers and Giants AFC.....Steelers, Colts, Patriots, Chargers, Wildcards are Broncos and Ravens
10. The Superbowl champion of this year will be.................The Minnesota Vikings.... Why? Cuase I cant stand any other team in the playoffs currently.

Monday, 16 March 2009

Blue Mountains


This post is dedicated to my man Jay Cutler, for destroying legitamacy in the football world. Your a straight up crybaby who needs his dick sucked. Even Mike Shanahan wasn't this gay.

So this past weekend we hit up the blue mountains. These mountains aren't that big, they are a little bigger than hills in NJ, and smaller than mountains in the rockies. I have some good pics on my satchel camera. But Im a little lazy to take them off. SOME GREAT VIEWS!!!! So Il steal some from other people that I know. After walking a grueling 15 kilometers, we reached this really cool set of waterfalls, and Pat, Eli and Nick walked up the entire thing. We even drank the water, and it was some of the best water Ive ever had.

Australia is just great,

It was good to see Scwartz yesterday too at Coogee beach.

Heres the pics:

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Just a Thought...

This post is dedicated to Will Dorsch for being the man, and wearing backpacks and suits together. I mean I think hes got something going on here. Maybe he should have a briefcase too? Or maybe even a trench coat? Damn that would be sexy.

But anyways,

In the wake of all the work I have to do, I was thinking today about an awkward situation. So what if a married high profile actor is in a nude scene with someone. For instance, if Brad Pitt was nude with Kate Blanchett or something. And they are getting intimate. What if our man Bradley pops a boner? How awkward is this for Blanchett? And would Angelina Jolie find out? Would she be like, "HONEY!! I HEARD YOU GOT HARD IN THE MOVIE SHOOT TODAY!!! DO YOU NOT LOVE ME?????" I think this was a pretty interesting scenario.

In another note, as much as I love Jeremy Crane, Andy Feldman, Nick Conti, Jim Kraus, Matt Boland....etc, The Buffalo Bums will fail with TO and only go 8-8, thus missing the playoffs. Im sorry, your division is just too tough. But it was a worth a try, especially for a high profile choke artist, like the Bills.


Monday, 9 March 2009

Epic Weekend

This post is dedicated to Jamie Rotter for saving my life on Saturday, or I would have been sleeping in the gutter somewhere in Bondi Junction. I prolly would have been mugged or something cool.

Well, this weekend started off by me going to an interview for my new internship with Getup! Getup! is a nonprofit that works with several issues including the economy and the environment. So Im wearing a button down and slacks. I want to go to the beach afterwards, so I go meet the boys that are in town including, Kimball, Holway, Mirsky, Ziggy and Zander. And I look like the biggest idiot wearing work clothes to the beach.

Im about to walk on the beach, and I go, "I look like the biggest clown," And some Australian dude looks at me and goes "Yes, you are." Typical Zweiss moment.

That night was another night at IVEY, which was a good time, but nothing compared to Saturday.

SO Saturday roles along, and I head downtown with Kimball to go to Bondi Junction to start drinking. It is Mardi Gras, which is a gay parade in town. SO you can imagine the kind of shit that is about to happen. Im completely fucked up, and i go downtown wearing angel wings, kangaroo ears and sunglasses. After awhile at the parade, I decide to wander 2o blocks to my friends place (Becca James'). And I procede to cut my toenails at her place for no real reason at all. So thats pretty nuts. And of course the car is parked back where I came from, so I take a cab there. But to make matters absolutely worse, my car is locked in a parking garage (which happened to my last semester in madison, when I was trying to go to Indiana.) I can't get into the apartment where all the bros are, so Im so pissed that I cant get in. And finally I call ZIGGYS phone, and Jamie Rotter answers. And is like, come up and crash here. So if it wasnt for that I would have been sleeping ont he curb for the night.

Thanks to Holway for this amazing clip:

And also, a Snuggie Parody:


Monday, 2 March 2009

Gettin' Em for the Eh-Lo

This post is dedicated to my boy Shawty Lo for having the worst lyrics of any rapper in history but still makes me smile when he talks about selling kilos of cocaine and getting ho's to suck his dick.
He has major beef with TI (well obviously, TI is a fucking idiot) because TI isnt really from Bankhead, but as David Weiss points out, IT IS, WHAT IT IS

So due to lack of feedback fro my pathetic blog, I decided to pick the title myself. I like it, so I dont care if you don't.

The Nissan Bluebird has been straight up money. having the car is like a having a new stripper, you know: one who hasnt been fucked around too much, so your happy to oblige. We hit the beach in the beat up box of crap again, and me and the boys learned how to surf. On the way, we were blasting Africa by Toto and I thought I was in a time machine, only with broken seats, a shitty stereo system and no back doorhandle. You certainly get what you pay for. Interestingly though, if you get a large foam board, it is SOOOO MUCH easier. I was able to get up and ride waves a few times.

I also burned like a fucking lobster, but thats what happens when a ginger hits the sun. This weekend, we hit up a SICK bar called IVEY. Il post some pics off of facebook to get in da groove of this absolutely nutty place. I also went to the casino, and won 40 dollars, so I am not totally unhpapy. This was all for Trevor Malet's 21st birthday celebration, which was a total shit show seeing we got kicked out of virtually every damn bar we went to.

Well im fucking tired, heres some pics before I hit bed:

Sunday, 22 February 2009

1983 Nissan Bluebird

This post is dedicated to my new car (well mine, Trevors, Eli's and Oliver's car), the 1983 Nissan Bluebird, with 202,000 kilometers on it. The door handle was ripped off of it today by the dude at the dealership, and the 1000 Australian dollar car will definately get us to the grocery store and back. But the best part I guess, is that when I told the dude up front if he had a map, and his reply was, "what else do you want??" Eli, replied, "a blow job". Did I mention its yellow?

Australia is without a doubt nuts. Ive been drunk for literally a week straight, and I bought a new car today. Classes start tomorrow, so thats a good thing since I wont go to them or Il go to them and fall asleep...(Crane would be proud). But this past weekend, we went surfing in Narrabeen. Dude, surfing is DAMN near impossible. You gotta be a fucking psycho to be good at that shit. Our instructors were retarded, and I felt it was man v.s. wild. Maybe next time il go surfing in a shark costume to scare away some other cocksuckers Ive been chillin with. But hey, tis in a day's work.

Wish me luck for class, but first, a picture of my new ride, appropriately named, "the batmobile". THis is the first thing ive actually owned. SO I can bequeath it to someone when I die. "in my will, I name the new benefactor of this car, Lani Weiss." Im not telling her about this car, so if she finds out, Il either be disowned or a permanent resident of Australia.

I pity this man, but itl be me in a lil while. Il get a real picture with me cruisin with a black and mild in it real shortly.
Lastly, THANK GOD the Bulls traded away Nocioni, that fucking big stiff is ugly, douchy, Croatian, and more importantly ate up more salary cap than Allan Houston. Nuff Said.
Im off frolicking,